Facing Your Fear Can Change Your Life
Me about to redirect an approaching shark
The Origin of Fear
As I'm sure was the case for many people, the movie Jaws terrified me. I saw it when I was 12 years old, and wouldn't swim in the pool or take a shower for two weeks. (Phobias are irrational. Wherever there was water, I feared imaginary sharks.)
I didn't know anything about sharks, all I knew was what films and the media portrayed them to be: ruthless monsters of the deep. In the 25 years since, I have always been on edge while swimming at the beach or being in open water, never able to fully relax, float, or enjoy myself. Sharks were always on my mind.
Now, a month after facing my biggest fear at age 37, I still have sharks on my mind, but for a different reason.
Preparing to Face My Fear
"Swim with sharks" has been on my bucket list for years. I've wanted to confront this fear not just as a way of becoming stronger and more confident, but out of a desire to better understand these creatures that terrified me, but I knew nothing about. The idea always hovered in a nebulous cloud in my mind, seemingly out of reach, and a small part of me wasn't quite sure I would actually go through with it.
Well, this summer, the opportunity presented itself. I knew in my bones I had to do it, fear be damned.
I booked my dive with the Shark Addicts tour company two months in advance, and therefore had plenty of time to (freak the fuck out) and also watch videos about shark behavior, to learn what to do and what not to do. I discovered that the colors yellow and white attract sharks, so I pre-planned my dive outfit to exclude those colors. I learned how to behave like a predator in the water and how to avoid acting like prey: avoid lots of splashing or sudden movements, swim slowly and calmly, make yourself appear larger by positioning yourself vertically, not horizontally, in the water. Regularly turn your head in all directions to keep a 360° view of your environment to avoid being snuck up on, always focus your attention on the most dominant shark. Directly face any approaching shark, make eye contact, and "redirect" them if they enter your physical space by extending a locked arm towards them and lightly pushing on their nose to guide them away from you.
Diving In
Now, flash forward to the day of the dive: off the coast of Jupiter, Florida, I sit with my legs dangling over the edge of the boat, swim fins hovering just above the open ocean. The dive instructor shouts "Jump in whenever you're ready!". I look down. Beneath the rising and falling of the deep blue water, I can see shark silhouettes. "You want me to what?!" Surely I've lost my mind. At the edge of my fear, there's no turning back now. I take a deep breath and plunge in.
The shark we named "Scarface" due to the scar on its side.
What shocked me was how unafraid I was once I got in the water. These beautiful creatures, swimming so smoothly in their S-like motion, were both cautious and curious. They swam slowly in large circles around us, side-eyeing us to figure out who we were, and if we were a threat to them. With fresh chunks of fish being offered up by the divers, they gradually overcame their apprehension and came closer. Once they ate some food and got comfortable, they would swim up to us, boop us with their nose, and continue to slowly circle around us and explore. It was like a dance: create distance, peripherally check things out, then approach again. Distance, then approach. It was both nerve-wracking and exhilarating to have a shark emerge from way down below, eyes locked on you, in hot pursuit of the smell of fish guts. I could appreciate how powerful and dominant these animals are in their environment, but I could also see that they were not monsters. I discovered that each of us in the water that day, sharks and humans, wanted the same thing: to explore and satisfy our curiosity of the other.
At our first dive location, the four sandbar sharks that surrounded us filled up their bellies with fish, gradually lost interest, and then left the scene. I cannot describe to you the hollowness I felt in my heart as I watched their shadows disappear into the distance.
We took the boat to another location and dove in again. This time there were two sandbar sharks, one was very cautious and rarely approached except to snag a quick bite of fish and flee. The other, whom we dubbed "Scarface" due to the scar on its side (featured above), cautiously approached, filled up on fish, and then decided to frolick among us, swimming around and booping us each in turn, over and over. He certainly kept us on our toes! Being in the water with him was an exercise in being fully alert and present. For this reason, he was my favorite shark. He was curious, engaged, dominant, and interactive.
Here's Scarface again. I redirect him as he approaches to check out my fins.
Returning Home
The dive ended much too quickly. I woke up the next morning and couldn't believe it was over. Now, sharks are on my mind constantly, not out of fear, but out of longing. I wasn't prepared for the grief that I would feel after returning to land and being so far away from these incredible creatures. The connection I made with them was a spiritual experience, and I miss them terribly.
The Plight of Sharks
My grief is, in part, due to the desire to swim with sharks again, but also due to the awareness that they are being hunted every single day. Sharks have been around for over 450 million years and have survived 5 mass extinctions, yet their biggest threat to date is us---humans. We malign them, we sensationalize shark attacks during Shark Week, and we hunt them.
Humans kill roughly 11,400 sharks per hour, which adds up to about 100 million sharks per year. Since the 1970s, the shark population has plummeted by 71% due to overfishing. Sharks are hunted for their fins, killed as trophies in sport fishing, or are inadvertently killed as a result of bycatch, where they get caught in fishing nets and longlines.
This makes me think about Scarface, and the other sandbar sharks I swam with, and I wonder how many of them will still be alive a year from now.
Despite their portrayal in the media, sharks are absolutely crucial to a healthy marine ecosystem. Sharks create balance by promoting healthy prey populations and biodiversity. Some larger sharks even act as carbon sinks, which reduces the amount of carbon dioxide released in the air. We need sharks in order to survive on this planet. And sharks need us to protect them.
Choose Fear or Choose Compassion
Facing my biggest fear not only reduced my apprehension of sharks, it opened up a huge space in my heart to better understand these majestic and misunderstood creatures. I now feel more deeply connected to the Earth, her marine environment, and the wildlife that are negatively impacted by humans. I wasn't expecting this when I wrote "swim with sharks" on my bucket list. Now, I've replaced my fear with a strong desire to fight for and protect these apex predators, and to be an agent of positive change on this planet wherever possible.
Every month I will contribute to shark conservation by donating a portion of my income to organizations that seek greater protection for sharks and more public education and awareness. Right now I am supporting the efforts of The Shark Trust.
Facing Your Fear Can Change Your Life, and Even The World
Is there an animal on this Earth that terrifies you? Snakes? Spiders? Can you challenge yourself to face that fear, and to learn something about them, and why they are so critical to our world?
What is your biggest fear? If it's not an animal, is it speaking in public? Being in closed spaces? Skydiving?
In moving through our fears, we not only challenge our brain's preconceived notions (which are often wrong), but we also learn something about ourselves and the world around us. We can prove to ourselves just how strong we are, and just how incredible this Earth and this precious life is.
Fear has led me to an open heart, and a deeper compassion for sharks. I will fight for them, to the best of my ability, in the hope of making their world just a little bit better and safer.
What will fear lead you to?
Want to watch the 2-minute video summary of my shark dive?
Check it out below:
