Negative Visualization - How to Cultivate More Joy
Yesterday I received news that my father’s health is declining. As you might imagine, this sent me into a downward spiral that led straight to a dark pit of despair. It’s never easy being faced with the mortality of our loved ones. Who would I be, and what would my life be like, without my dad?
Then I remembered one of the practices of the Greek Stoic philosophers, one they believed was the secret to joy. This practice is called negative visualization, and it entails imagining that someone you love has died, or that your beloved home, possessions, or career has been lost or destroyed. Now I know some of you are thinking, “I do this all the time! I often fear the worst.” This is true, many of us do this kind of catastrophizing on a regular basis, and it is the source of worry. We visualize the worse case scenario, which leads to anxiety as we imagine how we can prevent this terrible event from ever happening. This kind of catastrophizing is based on fear of the unknown and a desire to try and control circumstances.
However, the Stoics’ version of negative visualization is slightly different. It’s not based on fear or worry, but the active visualization of our worst fears coming true. It’s about facing our mortality and the threat of losing all we hold dear. Part of the Stoics’ core philosophy was the recognition that life is a precious gift, and in order to experience it to the fullest, we must live in a state of constant gratitude. The Stoics practiced negative visualization not with the intention of preventing tragic events, but rather to accept them as an inevitability---something outside our control. In doing so, we thus learn not to take anyone or anything for granted. We become immensely grateful for the present moment, and for all that we have. This is the path to true joy. Let’s see what it looks like in action:
Rather than being terrified of my father’s death, I can visualize what it would be like to lose him. What will my life be like in his absense? How will I cope with the grief? What regrets might I have? Through negative visualization, I can step into my worst fear of losing my father. By doing so, I might realize that there are things that I have not yet told him. Maybe I haven’t fully expressed how much I admire him, and how he has so beautifully modeled for me both the strength and softness that a man can possess. He has taught me the value of hard work, loyalty, and integrity. Now, as a result of this exercise, I realize that there are still things I need to say to him, and I need to do it now, because I don’t know how much time we have. I can be sure to appreciate him every single time I see him. I will no longer take him for granted.
Now you try:
Visualize someone that you love very much. Imagine that today is the last day you will ever see them. What would it be like to lose them? How might your reality change if they are absent? Knowing that you could lose them, how might you treat them differently today? What would you say to them? The little things about them that annoy you, would they still bother you? Would they even matter?
By practicing negative visualization, we allow ourselves to savor every precious moment of life. It means we take nothing for granted. Through allowing and accepting the inevitability of change, chaos, and death, we are able to experience greater joy in the present moment, knowing that nothing meaningful has been left unsaid or undone. The deep sense of peace that comes with this is significant.
My relationship with my father is a precious one. I don’t want to poison that relationship by living in the future, dwelling on the past, or living in fear. I’d rather live in the present, in a state of joy and deep appreciation for all the love we have shared, and continue to share.
